Atonement

Bless me Father, for I have sinned. I have been intimate with a young woman.
The priest asks, "Is that you, little Timmy Shaughnessy?
Yes, Father, it is.

And, who was the woman you were with?
I can't be tellin' you, Father. I don't want to ruin her reputation.

Well, Timmy, I'm sure to find out sooner or later, so you may as well
tell me now.

Was it Brenda O'Malley?
I cannot say.

Was it Patricia Kelly?
I'll never tell.

Was it Sheilah O'Brien?
I'm sorry, but I cannot name her.

Was it Mary Sadleir?

My lips are sealed.
Was it Janice Murphy, then?

Please, Father, I cannot tell you.
The priest sighs in frustration.

You're a steadfast lad, Timmy Shaughnessy, and I admire that. But
you've sinned, and you must atone.

You cannot attend church mass for three months. Be off with you now.

Timmy walks back to his pew. His friend Sean slides over and whispers,
What'd you get?

Timmy says: Three month's holiday and five good leads.